Silver Surfer – NES – Angry Video Game Nerd – Episode 27

[Music] all right this is silver surfer silver shit you look so stupid I mean what the hell is wrong with them it’s just like like alright so you get this stage like thing kind of like in Mega Man which is good for the sake of this review so I don’t really have to beat anything to show you all the stages in the game so it’s just like one of those fly and shoot games kind of like defender or life force you know nothing too special but not bad actually your weapons kind of lame but there’s power-ups which let you shoot double fuck I can’t touch the walls that’s right you can’t touch anything in this game so don’t fuck around anyway what was I saying about the weapons oh yeah there’s there’s not much else I think you can get I mean you can shoot backwards like if somebody’s coming behind you and that’s always a real shit sucker cuz you want to concentrate on what’s ahead it’s kind of clumsy to switch back because you press the beep button to change directions but use a to shoot ah fuck I guess that wasn’t a good time to demonstrate there you go shooting the rubber duckie which doesn’t die oh fuck if you play this game one thing I can guarantee is that your thumb is gonna get pretty damn sore from tapping that button there’s not one instant when you can take a break you’re constantly firing away even when there’s nothing in sight because you don’t know what’s coming up I mean there’s no reason not to be shooting and this wouldn’t bother me so fucking much if you could just hold down the button and let it keep shooting but no of course not so what you need is a turbo button whether it’s an NES advantage or an nes max put that other fucking controller away press that turbo button and never let go so I beat the stage though each stage consists of two or more sections now we’re in the second section and we’ve got an overhead view which is equally as difficult as any of the rest actually I think they’re worse because you don’t know what’s supposed to be underneath you or blocking you I’m assuming I can’t touch these wooden parts oh now I’m probably fucked oh never mind I guess I can go through those see the graphics are so unclear as to what you’re allowed to touch and what you’re not you don’t know what the hazards are look at that that’s not fair I couldn’t see that tiny bullet coming through the trees it’s like camouflaged and the way those waves move it’s just like a bunch of flickering blue lines it plays with your eyes and fucks you all up what a cruel game I give up I’m trying another stage Firelord all right another overhead ah fuck I can’t believe this you can’t touch the ground that means that you have to stay in the brown area which pretty much limits you to about 20 percent of the screen this is ridiculous just staying within this narrow range it’s like playing the game operation but with a bunch of shit flying around trying to kill you you have such a tight space to maneuver if you want to kill these things come on come on ah let’s try again come on come on oh if only his board wasn’t so goddamn long or if you can go diagonally like if you can go at an angle but you’re always pointing straight which makes it impossible as squeeze through narrow spots like this you know it’s so easy to die in this game and every time you die you have to see this this sad pathetic image of Silver Surfer just trembling in defeat if you play this game this image will be burned in your retina and how appropriate because this picture expresses better than words my feelings on this game just look at it that sums up the whole thing what I say before this game’s not bad well no it isn’t bad it’s fucking horrible and I dare you to play it just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s bad but this game just went way way too far the difficulty is legendary this is the grand champion of hard motherfucking games it doesn’t fuck around why couldn’t there be a health bar like three hits would that be ok no one fucking hit you’re dead well then couldn’t you have extra lives what you do but they don’t matter because when you die you start back from the beginning of the stage there’s some checkpoints along the way yeah but that doesn’t change the fact that when you die you go back compare that to contra or super seat you can hit once and you’re dead but you get to continue where you left off you don’t have to start at the beginning this stage unless you lost all your lives if that happened even your thirty LiveCode wouldn’t help much Silver Surfer on the other hand just says fuck all that if you’re gonna play you got to be hardcore so now we’re in fire Lords section to watch the fire oh shit fucking Jack O’Lanterns let’s try again dodge the fire stay up and watch the Jack O’Lantern so I better watch that thing oh god I got to go down oh fuck your mother fires coming down got that part under control watch the jack-o’-lanterns fuck touch the damn ceiling fires coming down Jaclyn’s Oh ass alright this time trying to shoot those fucking Jaclyn’s stay back back back up Oh God alright getting into place watch the walls oh you fucking pumpkin piece of shit okay this time stay at the top don’t get hit don’t get hit get under that thing here we go yeah yes yes yes no I can’t take it anymore you know this is really the point of going on it’s not like there’s a reward like there’s a pot of gold sitting on top of the TV you know if you beat the game it probably just says the end and that’s it so to keep playing it you got to be a fucking nerd I’ve gotta watch out for these statues puking lava God another motherfucking pumpkin so many obstacles its unbelief I can’t touch that red pot alright that’s where I give up let’s try another stage I figure I gotta be able to beat at least one of them now this is really a bitch I mean all these ghouls coming at me they got bats jack-o’-lanterns and now ghosts it’s like another kindergarten Halloween game they should have just called it whatever this is just insane I mean look at all this oh my god so much shit so much shit here we go oh yeah oh god punch the log you fucking ghost you fucking motherfucking pieces of shit gosh can I hate those gargoyles shit all over the place I hate it I just fucking here look at this this pattern is just insane it’s basically just a bunch of lines wavin across the screen if you go anywhere near those paths you’re dead once again let’s try another stage possessor well it’s not any easier and especially when I’m losing my patience look at this there’s so much stuff coming at you bullets are flying everywhere ah that’s pauses just look look any of these areas are dead zones you have stuff coming at you every which way which means there’s not one safe spot because you need to keep moving forward so you’re in dangers way all the time you just have to play the shit out of it until you know in advance exactly what’s gonna happen unless you’ve played this game you have no idea how hard it is let me try to explain okay imagine if I were to draw a maze on a sheet of paper I’m asking you to draw a line from the beginning of this maze to the end you can’t run into any dead ends and you can’t touch any of the lines now while you’re trying to do this I’m moving the maze to the left it would drive you fucking nuts and if that’s a bit too theoretical to accept then let me explain it this way imagine playing Mega Man 2 imagine you have no health bar imagine if you can hit one single fucking time you’re dead and is that fair it’s challenging yes but it’s not to say that unless you’re a hardcore expert you’re gonna take a few hits sooner or later now I’m not done imagine on top of that multiply the number of enemies on the screen and give them more hitpoints imagine if you were playing Zelda and you weren’t allowed to get hit once or touch any of the walls or blocks I mean this game just puked snot up my ass and it’s like you touch the top of the building you die you touch the ceiling you die touch the floor you die too farther right you die too far left you die you die you die you die die die die die die die die die die die die die oh god I can’t fucking stand it one last scale each one I’m sure it’s no exception to the difficulty here’s trying to avoid this stuff that’s coming sideways and then this gun appears at the top of the screen with no warning and shoots in three directions instant death if you try to blast it away as soon as it appears you just end up getting yourself killed too because you need to be in the line of fire in order to shoot at it sometimes you come to like a blockade of enemies just a flood of bullets coming down the whole screen it’s just one big dead zone if you’re in that area you’re simply dead so fuck it I can’t complete a single stage this game is so hard it would actually be easier to go outside in a thunderstorm and try to dodge rain it’ll be easier to walk barefoot without your toes or heels touching the floor it would be easier to pick fly shit out of pepper while wearing boxing gloves the fact that you can get hit only once pretty much means that you’re weaker than every other enemy in the game how do you die from just touching a wall I can understand if he’s flying it like 200 miles per hour and he crashes into the wall but the fact that he just touches the wall and dies is this ridiculous I never read in the comics so I don’t know what silver surfers powers are but isn’t he supposed to be pretty strong so why’d they make him into a wimp why is he fucking up rubber ducks and weeping like a crybaby it’s like some sort of fucking joke like what if they had Bruce Lee tripping over his own shoelaces it’s a fucking insult this game should have been classic but instead it’s worthless it’s as worthless as this fucking LJN poster I had back here man I would just piss and shit all over this fucking game back just thinking about it makes me feel like having an anal evacuation [Music]

17 thoughts on “Silver Surfer – NES – Angry Video Game Nerd – Episode 27”

  1. I can understand the game suck but can atleast knowledge Follens work and tht his music for the soundtrack is phenomenal?

  2. the silver surfer in this game is flying at 99% of the speed of light. this means that he is flying around the earth once every 0.1 second. thats why he dies to walls.

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